"But don't you get bored?"

One of my internet-buddies, Terry Border (wire-manipulator-extraordinaire), published an interesting discussion on his blog about a phrase he finds to be particularly annoying : "They must have too much time on their hands." You see this line pretty regularly in response to interesting pieces of art, video, and music people post on-line. I hadn't really noticed before he pointed it out, but he's right - it's everywhere. I don't think it's usually meant as an insult, but it does have some pretty sad implications. Terry challenged those of the "too much time" declarations to try using some of their own passive-entertainment time (be it watching tv or surfing online) to create a little content of their own instead of dismissing the work of others.

In response to Terry's post, I wanted to write a little bit about a phrasal-pet-peeve of my own - one that I think comes from a similar mindset: "But don't you get bored?" During the past nearly-three years that I've been a stay-at-home-me, I've heard this line at least once a month, if not more. Each time another friend or acquaintance finds out I don't have a job, this is the response I get. "Aren't you bored?" "Don't you get bored with nothing to do all day?" "You must be so bored - have you had any luck looking for a job?" Each time I hear one of these variations, as well-meaning as I think they are intended to be, it surprises me all over again - the implication being that if you're not working, there isn't much of anything else to do. When did this happen?

I've found the past two years to be much more fulfilling than any in my working life. I now have the time and, even more importantly, the energy to explore things that interest me and to develop my hobbies. I have time to keep up with the chores and errands so C doesn't have to. I have time to focus on our meals. We both have more time for relaxing, we are under much less stress than we were before and we're the healthiest we've been in years. I don't understand how that can be seen as boring.

Despite the recent renewal of interest in craft and cooking and all those other grandmotherly skills our generation shunned just a few years ago, it still seems like most people have few or no hobbies that they pursue on a regular basis. I'm at a difficult point in this post now, where I don't want to come across as smug, but someone's going to think I am anyway, so here we go: more people need to turn off their tvs and step away from their computers for just a few hours a week and spend some time for their brains and bodies. (I'm sorry!) Once you get used to entertaining yourself, I think you come to find it a much more enjoyable way to spend some time. I'm not saying to never watch tv, to never use your computer (pretty sure a certain someone would consider kicking me to the curb for that kind of remark) but I do think it's far too easy to get in the habit of plopping down in front of one (or both) at the end of a long day or in a spare moment and lose yourself. A little tv is fine, a little computer time is good, a few video games are great, too. Sometimes, though, it's nice to do something else.

Confession time: before we moved here, C and I had quite the World of Warcraft habit going. We told ourselves that it was okay because we played together, so it was bonding time. We played with our friends, so it was social time. More than anything though, it's escape and it shouldn't have become nearly as much a part of our lives as it did. If I had spent half the time I spent playing that game practicing my banjo, I would be able to play that thing by now. If I spent half that time writing, I would have a passel of stories in my hands. If we spent a quarter of it exercising, we wouldn't recognize ourselves. It went from an occasional diversion to our only diversion... and ultimately, for us the only answer was to quit entirely - it isn't one of those games we could play casually.

So now, in the wake of my gaming addiction, in the aftermath of employment, what do I do when I'm feeling bored? Here's a small section from my 'always something to do' list:

Food stuff:

• Cook something to freeze
• Look for new recipes
• Read about new ingredients
• Send a favorite recipe to family and friends
  

Creative stuff:

• Draw a picture
• Sew something
• Knit something
• Crochet something
• Take apart something you made but never used - arrange materials for reuse
• Write a story or a joke or a list - anything
  

Social stuff:

• Write an email (a long one - not just a couple lines)
  
• Write a letter
• Write a postcard
• Ask random questions: learn new things about a friend or family member
• Browse online and start bookmarking gifts for future birthdays and holidays
• Play with your pet or pets
  

Healthy stuff:

• Go for a walk
• Stretch
• Do a fitness dvd
• Eat a piece of fruit
• Go for another walk

Indulgent stuff:

• Take a long bath
• Take a nap
• Sit in the sun and relax
  

Random stuff:

• Learn a new skill or relearn an old one(think girl scout/boy scout stuff you know you forgot - knot tying, cloud identification, first aid etc)

Stuff you'll be glad you did once it's done:

• Deep clean one small thing
• Quick clean everything (I'm a big fan of putting a cd on and spending one song per room seeing how much I can get done)
  
• Go through a cabinet or closet and find things to give or throw away

Sorry to have gotten so long-winded on this... turns out I had more to say than I thought! Anyway, I'm done now but would love to know what you think about it - and if you have any suggestions for the "always stuff to do" list, I would love to see them in the comments. I'm going for a walk.

The relief of turning thirty..

(Or self-indulgent rambling as a gift to myself)


I'm one of those people (and by those people I mean nearly everyone) who is prone to finding myself choking on thoughts of my own mortality at three in the morning on any given day that I stay awake too late without a real distraction (you know - like Xbox). Two years ago, the idea of the "Big Birthday" was enough to tie my belly up in knots for a couple insomniatic hours. Despite this fact, when the BB actually rolled around, I woke up feeling calm and content. I haven't been one of those people who gets excited about birthdays for years - I've never been one to throw or attend birthday parties for myself or anything like that - a nice dinner is more than enough. The thing about my birthday that has always made me the happiest is that I share it with my mom - a fact that I feel has always made us just a little bit closer and made birthdays seem just a little more special in their own quiet way.

So I woke up feeling warm with contentment - and why shouldn't I? My best friend and the most fun person I've ever met was curled up warm against my back, the sun was just starting to pour over the Alps right outside my window, my bedside table was littered with amazing novels I've finally had the time to finish, and an ice-cold glass bottle of fruit-flavored black tea sweetened with brown sugar was waiting for me in the refrigerator. This is a far cry from my life four and a half to five years ago, when my boyfriend (not my future husband either though a very nice guy in his own right) was living far from me in another state, I was moving from a crappy job to a stressful one, I was leaving a gross city for another gross city and I was living with barely one month's rent in my bank account at any given time. Doesn't sound like much fun, does it?

Well, a lot of it wasn't, which is why turning thirty has come as something of a relief. My life now is so much calmer, yet more fulfilling than it was in my twenties. I feel like I have a much better sense of who I am and I'm more comfortable with that person - bizarre sense of humor, still-mainly-black wardrobe, big butt and all! I'm getting to the point that I feel like I have some experience to write from and things look a little clearer than they did five to seven years ago. I would like to think I worry a little less about what other people think - their opinions certainly aren't as paralyzing to me as they once were. Despite the calm that has come to some parts of my psyche, I still find myself getting completely enraged over things that would best be blown off and ignored - maybe that level of calmness is reserved for the 40-plus crowd. I still overthink things and probably always will. I still have a tendency to become overwhelmed by guilt when I've done nothing and I'm still too much of a perfectionist. Despite these facts, I feel like I'm aging well physically and mentally. Sure I have streaks of gray - and have had them for at least five years - but they're laced through huge handfuls of coarse blond hair and pretty much invisible to everyone but me. No wrinkles or anything like that so far - no doubt thanks to a combination of my black-clad teens and twenties, my late-night and overnight work schedule, and my obsession with sunscreen - not to mention some good genes (thanks mom and dad). My brain is stuffed full of books and ideas and feels much more productive than in my food-and-drink-slinging restaurant days. Even better, my painting seems to be slowly improving.

Exactly four years ago today, I was on the cusp of massive change and completely unaware of this fact. For anyone who reads this and doesn't know, I met Mr K on his birthday four years ago in four days.... or on 18 May 2004 to be less confusing. Nothing was supposed to come of it - we chatted online and I thought it was sad he wasn't doing anything for his birthday, so I suggested we meet up and go out to dinner - tacos, of course! I remember sitting next to what passed for a duck pond in Northern Virginia - really just a muddy hole next to the highway that someone thought would be improved by the addition of some over-wrought-iron (ha ha - did you get that?) benches waiting for him to arrive. We had a nice dinner and a fun chat but nothing out of the ordinary. Within two weeks, the details of which we won't be disclosing, we had become pretty much inseparable even though it took us both five or six months to realize what we had. Exactly two years later we were too busy worrying about our wedding (23 May 2006) to get into the whole birthday thing. Mr K had his BB just five days before we got hitched, leading to several weeks of "if you're not married by the time you're thirty, you wanna marry me" jokes. One year ago today, Mr K was getting ready for his first trip to Fribourg to check it out and decide if we wanted to move here.

When he opened the door to leave for work this morning, Mr K found a thick white envelope with my name on it - a birthday note and a tin of chocolates from our sweet neighbors! Things like that remind me of how wonderful this move has been for us. Two years ago I told Mr K I wanted to take a trip to Europe for my BB - today, as the BB arrived, I live here and I'm thankful for it everyday.

Catch-up and Barbeque

Receipt from American Store

O
hai!

Mr K and I have been sick for the past 4 days or so - whether from a shared cold or assault by strange new pollen. Either way, we've been sneezing, coughing, tearing through tissues and just generally being disgusting. Despite the dread pollen, the weather here has just been amazing the past few days - sunny with just a few cotton candy clouds and temperatures in the 50s to 60s. All the little Swisslettes are breaking out their summer tank tops and I'm afraid Mr K is going to end up in a neck brace by June - I imagine his Flickr account will be loaded with proof of this phenomenon later on this week.

Anyway, back to the funny picture - this is something I've been meaning to blog for a while so I figured today was a good day to drag myself out of my decongestant-fueled slump long enough to play catch-up!

Early in April I took a trip to the American Store in Geneva with the wife of one of Mr K's coworkers. The store is located painfully close to the train station and was very small but packed completely full - it was like Wal-mart, but very condensed and with the prices Swiss-i-fied. I spent the first 15 to 20 minutes just taking everything in - all these products that I had completely forgotten existed. I knew I wanted to keep my purchases to the bare minimum as the prices were heart-stopping on many items. Try 18$ for Aunt Jemima syrup or 15$ for Easy Cheese. Amazing, right? So I did break down and pick up a couple things but I kept my purchases limited to the cash I had in my purse. The first item I snatched up was a bottle of Jack Daniels BBQ sauce (10$) - we haven't had anything BBQ since we left in September and we've been savoring this bottle. I threw two cans of baked beans (6$ each) into my pile as well since I haven't been patient enough yet to try baked beans done the old-fashioned way and they've always been one of my favorites - I love foods that straddle that salty-sweet line. Next I grabbed a tiny packet of Fig Newtons and a can of Dr Pepper for Mr K, which he loved. I also grabbed a box of Arm and Hammer baking soda (4$) as I'm sure there is a Swiss equivalent but I haven't figured it out yet and that one box will last me pretty much the rest of my life as little as I bake. Last splurge item, rolling in at just under 5$ was a bag of baby marshmallows. We plan to have a typical Southern-style BBQ sometime over the summer and what BBQ would be complete without Ambrosia Salad, right? Hah!

All in all it was a really fun day - after the shopping we grabbed Chinese for lunch before heading home - really good Chinese, at that!

Off to take a nap for no reason and then get some painting done! I have a couple projects in the works and my runny nose is no longer a valid excuse! Later I have to blog about our recent guests - Jen and Carl from Virginia/Portland/Belgium/Blogland. Jen's ahead of me and already has her post up.